The Truth Shall Make You Odd

As I sit at my desk waiting for yet another snow dump, I can’t help but think about Jody Wilson-Raybould, Liberal MP for Vancouver-Granville. Today Ms. Wilson-Raybould made a life changing decision to resign from a position of influence and power in order to hopefully speak out for something we all long to hear from our politicians–truth. It’s one of those values that we hope belongs to one island of their personality. Remember Pixar’s – Inside Out?

“You shall know the truth and truth shall make you odd,” wrote Flannery O'Connor. Today I vote for ‘odd.’

A few years ago I wrote about the article in Maclean’s Magazine reporting on a disturbing data dump of government websites: statistics, economics, historic, scientific records deleted, burned, or tossed into data Dumpsters. Disappearing data results in a crisis in what Canadians know—and are allowed to know about themselves. There is more to that story but too long to put it into this blog.

The data dump story brought back more memories or lack of memories when I learned the CBC had thrown out years of radio drama recordings. I was studying Radio Drama at the time and could have spent many hours listening to ways of bringing out the truth through the power of story if only I could get to those tapes.

Well, the snow dump has started so I’ll leave you with a truth telling photo or not. Here I am in Montreal telling myself I need this scarf by designer, Marie Ste. Pierre, for an upcoming winter wedding I’m officiating. The truth is I can’t afford it but I truly want it.

My Mind Is In A Little Box

Whether it's Blue Monday or TGIF, when it's -23 that's a good enough reason to sink deep into the blues. Thankfully, I've been reading Flannery O'Connor's Dear God Prayers as I work through the challenges of some of my writing projects. It's my way of staying out of the blue zone.

My mind is in a little box, dear God, down inside other boxes inside other boxes and on and on. There is very little air in my box. Dear God, please give me as much air as it is not presumptuous to ask for. Please let some light shine out of all the things around me so that I can.

What it amounts to I suppose is be selfish. Is there no getting around that, dear God? No escape from ourselves? Into something bigger? Oh dear God I want to write a novel, a good novel. I want to do this for a good feeling & for a bad one. The bad one is uppermost.

The psychologists say it is the natural one. Let me get away dear God from all things thus “natural.” Help me to get what is more than natural into my work—help me to love & bear with my work on that account. If I have to sweat for it, dear God, let it be as in Your service. I would like to be intelligently holy. I am a presumptuous fool, but maybe the vague thing in me that keeps me in is hope.

Flannery O'Connor wrote stories about the grotesque and unimaginable circumstances of life and trusted that her readers would discover grains of truth that might open their minds to new ways of understanding the gospel. A huge risk, I say, and yet I seem to be following a similar path -- writing stories, memoir, poetry, in hopes that I would be intelligently holy.

November 10, 2018

As I settle into my new space, I take stock of my stuff and realize that since the beginning of my adult life the treasured piece of furniture for me is the table. With the multiple moves and sales of household stuff when the table leaves I grieve. Eat memories are where some of my best connections happen – the table and the power of food open my heart in a different way.

One Easter, I felt a nudge to celebrate the Resurrection with my leadership team at Redemption Church, Vancouver. Leaders are often neglected because, well, we've got it all together that's why we are leaders. WELL NO, not so - usually we are the ones exhausted, tired and in need of some TLC, like an invite for dinner. In Vancouver you could count on most of our church leaders living in a small space so sitting down with a large crowd often happens in a restaurant. I had an 1150 sq. ft. town house in Mt Pleasant and the largest room was the dining room with an open kitchen and lower level living room that opened on to the patio so guests could eat formally or in a more casually setting.

This particular Sunday, after two long services 20 hungry guests poured in. As I pulled more dishes from the oven with the help of my BB who thought I was overdoing the event, I made a mental note to add this to my list of eat memories.

The table provides the platform that allows us to carry on with our relationships in the best and the worst of times. Our life challenges and changes were not openly shared, nor the pain, but only the simple pleasure of being together was the balm of Gilead for this day.

Secondly, place plays an important role in our lives. While the mountains and the accessible waters of the ocean are Vancouver's draw, the reality was, we were struggling with as local author Timothy Taylor describes it:

Vancouver has what you might call an 'improvisational air.' The city makes itself up as it goes along. What’s fresh about this place, a kind of cultural and economic tabula rasa has provided for some highly unstable outcomes.

Lastly, around the table I could see a group of leaders struggling to accept that we were growing older, or maybe just growing up, and had to face some of those life facts that we may have been avoiding as in our busyness we all tend to do.

Digging into November

I think I'm settling into a rhythm that I've longed to shift towards now that the cross country move is over. At a certain point in life one needs to change the course to express oneself differently writes Jhumpa Lahiri in her book Other Words. I've done this a few times — very daunting but worth the effort. It takes a few mornings of self talk, God talk and and longer think usual time — mostly digging out of the groove that has been part of my journey for many seasons - much about doing - not enough being. While taking back my mornings during October, I was also keenly aware there would be a need to prepare for the dark days of November. Ugh. I remember sharing how sombre this time of year can be with poet Malcom Guite and he immediately read his poem Because We Hunkered Down while I sat in his Regent office. If you haven't read it, Malcom's very generous with his work and you'll find it online.

It's a good reminder of the value of our earth's cycles.

Today is November 1st. As I scanned through a string of emails this morning light flakes (very faint light flakes) were falling. It didn't stop me from a morning walk along the barren beach (heh I'm not living in Vancouver now); into a local deli for duck confit soup and over to Lucy Foran's Library for more inspiration. Small city living can simply life and as Buffy Sainte-Marie said in an interview 'sometimes you have to leave a space in your life for life to happen.'

I'll sign off with this barren beach photo....imagine what could spring forth as you and I dig into November.

A Vibrant and Lasting Impression

After riding on a veritable big dipper of emotions (French /British translation – true roller coaster), soaked in prayer, Glen and I have made the decision to leave our Mount Pleasant home and move east into the vicinity of the nation's capital – La Belle Province. My focus for the fall has shifted towards another leap of faith in participating in the artwork of God.

As I de-clutter the house, pack, reminisce, and say goodbyes – I'm thankful for the support of the book of Ephesians, especially 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does."

I go back to this verse each time there is a big adjustment or change coming my way.  I like the Greek translation for 'workmanship' -Poeima - signifying a work of art or a product that is designed.  In classical Greek the word not only captures the work of a poet, the lofty elegant and rhythmical language, but also alludes to any work of a skilled artisan – like a person's deed, a creative painting, a symphony —all could be called Poiema. 

This idea of God's design – His workmanship has kept me intrigued as I seek to live a deeper understanding of how His divine marks shape my life.  I've been tracking this idea of design for many years.  In one season I tried mapping it out with mission statements and goals.  I gave that up when I realized it is all about grace.  My walk with God is not always about best efforts. 

Author Frederick Buechner calls us to walk this way - Listen to your lives for the sound of him.

So before I write any further lofty heavenly thoughts let me make this disclaimer.  I am aware that language can be limited and God Talk, along with our encounters with the Holy One, can get very mystical, so rather than blab on what kind of masterpiece I've become, let me share how I sought to listen for the sound of him through the years at Redemption.

I look for signs of His grace within myself, and each of you, because it has and still can make us brave enough to take off our super-self mask and look at our real selves with all the sins and flaws that Christ died for.  I like the idea that the Greek word for 'accept' is 'proslambano' which literally means 'to take to oneself.'  I've been invited to enter, to stay, and accept being taken in by God.  That's Grace.  In Latin it connotes a 'free and ready favor', which implies that I need to make a choice to accept this grace.  I accept that I have to choose to let go of the patchwork self-image put together by all the outward influences and ideals of these times.  Sometimes this means facing pain and my weaknesses.  My best mentors have been there to remind me not to waste my sorrows and confront the insidious power of fear. 

A Regent Professor of mine, Luci Shaw, recently wrote a little book called Thumbprint in the Clay – Divine Marks of Beauty, Order, and Grace.  Luci refers to those who have left a vibrant and lasting impression on her life as portraits of God Printed People.  In a similar way most of my relationships at Redemption with God Printed People have been what God intended for each of us when we made the choice to be 'taken in by God'.  Our time has been rich as we’ve shared our lives together in this amazing community.  His grace has stretched us, filled us and enabled us to ‘imagine the long and wondrous journeys still to be ours’ (Mary Oliver).

​So it is – dear ones – that as I continue to ride the emotional waves of saying goodbye to Redemption Church, I sign off as Elder – with much love.